Following is the introduction from the first draft of an essay advocating the elimination of mandatory dress codes in public schools. revise the paragraph, being sure to consider these questions: How effectively does the writer deal with the opposing viewpoint? does the paragraph encourage those who might disagree with the writer to read on? why or why not? do you see any logical fallacies in the writers thinking? where? does the writer introduce anything that veers away from the point of being discussed? where? Before revising, you may find it helpful to do some brainstorming to find ways to strengthen the paragraph. afterwards, think about how strategies could be used, how could Rogerian arguement win over readers? what points could be made? what actions could be urged in the effort to build a convincing argument?
PARAGRAPH TO REVISE:
In three nearby towns recently, high school administrators joined forces to take an outrageously strong stand against students’ constiutional rights. Acting like Fascists, they issued an edict in the form of a preposterous dress code that prohibits students from wearing expensive jewlery, name-brand jeans, leather jackets- anything that the administrators, in their supposed wisdom, consider ostenatious. Perhaps the next they’ll want to do is forbid students to play hip-hop music at school dances. What prompted the administrators’ dictatorial prohibition against certain kinds of clothing? Somehow or another, they got it into their heads that having no restrictions on the way students dress creates an unhealthy environment, where students vie with eachother for the flashiest attire. Students and parents alike should protest this and any other dress code. If such codes go into effect, we might as well throw out the Constitution.